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Drink Every Time Someone Says “Idiot”… Get Ready to Be Schwasted

I love me some One Hundred and One Dalmatians. It’s a cute story, with cute protagonists, an emaciated villainess, two bumbling oafs, and a whole lotta fun. It takes the cute dog story formula of Lady and the Tramp and bumps it up a notch. And its set in England. What more can you ask for?

I also assistant directed a production of 101 Dalmatians, Kids, a few years back, so I have found memories of those little munchkins traipsing around and singing about Kanine Krunchies and Dalmatian Plantations. Sigh…

Hopefully this review won’t leave you seeing spots… but let’s begin… sorry…

The story begins with our narrator, Pongo, a dalmatian dog, talking about how life has become kind of dull and how he really wants his pet, Roger, a songwriting human, to start hooking up with some chicks (secretly wanting some tail for himself… You old rascal, Pongo!). Pongo is staring out the window checking out the hotties as they walk by (also, the magazines in Roger’s room that Pongo looks at when checking out attractive females, one of them actually is based of a real life dirty magazine… You old rascal, Roger! Way to go Disney for accurately portraying a bachelor…)

No one seems to be Roger (or Pongo)’s type… until he spots (ayo!) a beautiful dalmatian strutting by with her pet. Then in perhaps one of the best Meet Cute moments EVER, Pongo orchestrates a collision of couples. Literally. They collide together and then fall into a pond. And then get married. Cuz that’s how it happens. 

Roger and his new wife, Anita, and Pongo and his new wife, Perdita, are moving along splendidly. Perdita is even pregnant! All things are falling into place-

Ahh!! How invited the skeleton draped in fur???? Who did her dye job? My goodness…

Well, just when things were going right, we have our villainess, Cruella De Vil, step in to shake things up a little bit. Cruella, who is vain and self-centered and condescending, wants to turn the dogs into a fur coat. Which is weird. And seems a really outlandish, except she was inspired by an actual conversation that the author of the original book had… Gross.

But, besides being awful, Cruella does inspire Roger to write lyrics to his new song (and dang! It’s catchy!). Oh, and one more thing, if you ever watch this movie, make sure to play this new drinking game… Whenever anyone says “Idiot” take a drink… You’ll get schwasted. The writers of the script must have LOVED them the word idiot cuz… my God, they say it A LOT

Time passes, and Perdita gives birth! To 15 puppies! Damn! Well, almost. We have a little bit of a scare when it looks like one was a still birth. Luckily, Roger doesn’t give up hope and rubs the fifteenth one back to life (he remembers his rubbing techniques from his bachelor days… ayo!). 

And just as the puppies are delivered, Cruella steps in as if on cue to claim the puppies. But Roger ain’t taking her shit, and sends her on her way… Except she vows her revenge and calls Roger an idiot (Take a drink). And the puppies are safe for now… but Cruella’s a crazy bitch, so we can probably expect the worse…

More time passes, and the puppies have grown into their spots. And one night, while the adults are on a walk, two bumbling fools named Horace and Jasper, break into the house and steal the puppies after harassing the poor house Nanny into an absolute tizzy. 

I got yo’ puppies, bitches!

It looks like the puppies are completely gone. Scotland Yard can’t even find any leads, they’ve even inspected and interviewed Cruella, but everything’s coming up for naught. But let’s be honest, why leave a job up to humans to solve? The dogs take it into their own hands and summon up the powers of the Twilight Bark, usually just a gossip chain, but this time transformed into communication chain to spread the word of the fifteen missing puppies!

It also makes me regret anytime I’ve ever told my dogs to be quiet when they’ve been barking constantly… what if they were trying to save a pack of puppies?! What if my request for silence cost some puppies their lives? Ashamed, y’all…

Finally, the Twilight Bark makes its way to The Colonel, who is an absent minded old dog who can’t hear correctly, but somehow has earned a wealth of respect from the other dogs… Don’t ask me how, because he’s obnoxious and seems like an idiot… but anyway… The Colonel and his sidekick, Sergeant Tibbs (a cat), decide to investigate the De Vil Manor, or Hell Hall, which has seemingly been abandoned until recently when smoke began emerging from the chimney. 

Sergeant Tibbs, being a small little tabby cat, sneaks into the manor, and stumbles upon a room chock full of dalmatians puppies! 99 of them! Score! 

Of 99, fifteen have to be stolen, right? Tibbs does some searching and eventually discovers in the room fifteen puppies with collars… they must be the kidnapped ones! And so the Twilight Bark begins to return the message, and Pongo and Perdita begin a mission to rescue their children.

Meanwhile, Cruella is getting impatient and nervous. The police are everywhere and its only a matter of time before some evidence pins the kidnapping to Cruella… She wants the puppies skinned and turned into a coat… Tonight. Luckily, Tibbs is a bit of a brilliant and begins an escape plan and somehow in a matter of a 30 minute game show gets 99 puppies through the wall. I told you: brilliant.

Too bad, Rolly, the fat one, can’t climb stairs and drags along, revealing the direction where the dogs are heading. Horace and Jasper follow Rolly’s lead and begin searching the house, only to be ambushed by the puppies! Run run run! Don’t let them skin you!

Through some mishaps and slapstick, the puppies escape and reunite with Pongo and Perdita…  plus 84. No big deal. They also reveal Cruella’s plan to turn the dogs into coats, making the situation even more dire.

The dalmatians begin a journey back to Regents Park, while traveling along ice to not leave tracks, avoiding Horace and Jasper,  and stopping into a barn where there is an awkward milking scene where the dogs feed off of some milk from some cows. It’s weird. But the dogs are exhausted and starving (especially the fat one, Rolly… obnoxious) and need it. 

The next morning they continue their journey, except Cruella has discovered their tracks and is on to them! Eep! But, Pongo has a great idea to have all the dogs roll in the soot and look like labradors. Yay! The dogs get to get dirty! Because seeing a 101 labradors wouldn’t be suspicious at all… But Horace and Jasper are bumbling fools and don’t think twice about it. Idiots. Drink.

Just as the dogs are about to make their escape to London, a drop of snow falls… causing the soot to wash off and the identity of the dalmatians to be revealed! And Cruella sees it and you know what that means…

CRAZY CRUELLA!!!

Luckily, Cruella nor Horace and Jasper know how to drive and just at the moment when Cruella could have been successful, Horace and Jasper come speeding through. Cruella flips her car like three times and still survives… go fig. 

It’s Christmastime at the Roger/Anita home… and everyone, including Nanny is a little down on their spirits… until a hoard of labradors come bouncing into the house! Except their not labradors, their dalmatians and their dogs are back safe and sound!! And Roger and Anita, having just made a bazillion dollars off Roger’s first hit song (aptly titled, “Cruella De Vil”…), they decide to keep the dogs! And buy a giant plantation out in the country and raise all 101 dogs! Crazy bia’s… “Cruella De Vil” must have been a HUGE hit to get them that much money…

I have to question why “Cruella De Vil” became such a big hit, though… I mean it is a catchy song, but did everyone just think Cruella De Vil was a made up name? Or does literally everyone in England know what a batshit crazy bitch this woman is and thus everyone can relate to it when it comes on the radio??

Anyway, the puppies are safe, Cruella seems indisposed, and everything thing seems to be just right. Now that the idiots are out of the way… Finish your drink. :)

Filed under 101 dalmatians disney one hundred and one dalmatians roger anita pongo perdita cruella de vil rolly